For some reason, disappointments seem to be one of the
hardest things to face in life. Whether it's the simple realization
that a person gets when he or she realizes that they are not going to
be able to go to the park, or maybe it's the cold understanding that
grips you when you realize that the person of your dreams, who you
thought was going to be your partner for life turns you down. Some
things in life are just difficult to swallow.
So what is it about disappointment that makes it sting
so bad? Is it the crushed dreams, or expectations, or is it
something deeper. As a 29 year old male, I have had a lot of time to
experience life and one of the conclusions that I have come to is
that it is full of disappointments. Those moments where we realize
that we just didn't fit the grade, or didn't have what it took to
succeed. Our dreams seem to be dashed, and before us lies a cold
reality of life after failure.
To better understand what a failure is all about let's
look a real life incident. I can remember it as if it were
yesterday. There was a girl that I really liked, and she had
promised me that we would meet after supper, and go out for an
evening as friends. I can remember the joy I felt as I went through
that day. Things weren't going the greatest, at that time, but at
least I would have someone to spend time with.
It was six O'clock, and I had just finished supper.
Rushing out the door of the cafeteria with my backpack still on my
back I waited at the flag pole. This was the event that was going to
pull me out of my doldrums and disappointment that I had been
experiencing all that day, indeed I had hung all of my hopes for the
day on that one moment. I waited, and continued to wait. Light rain
started to fall, and still I waited. I waited even longer, it was a
half hour now, but still I waited not wanting to allow the
realization of yet another disappointment to grab me. Finally after
an hour, the rain picked up in intensity, and I just stood there,
realizing that I had been disappointed yet again. Quickly I made my
way back to the guys dorm that night and found some friends to talk
to. Life had changed.
Disappointments are something that hurt. However, to
simply say that they hurt is not good enough. We need to dig deeper.
We need to peel back the layers, and determine what really caused
the pain. The real pain in disappointment is the fear that something
could be wrong with us. Deep down inside we long to be complete and
whole, and to be people that others like to be around. When someone
turns us down suddenly some questions can immediately bubble to the
surface of our lives.
Depending on how we handle these questions we will
either discover a better future, or become more depressed, and wallow
in our self-pity, and begin to poison those around us. So what are
these questions and why do they matter?
The first question is: What did I do to deserve this?
Many of us have probably asked ourselves this question at one point
or another and have looked for a flaw or mistake that we have made in
order to determine why something happened to us, and indeed,
sometimes we do discover an area to improve upon, but other times,
the answer is: nothing. When reading the Bible we come across an
amazing story on this very issue. At the beginning of John Chapter
9:1, Jesus has just left the temple and notices a man who was blind
from his birth. Evidently the disciples notice that Jesus is looking
at him, because they ask Him a question found in verse 2: “Master
who did sin, this man, or his parents that he was born blind?”.
At a cursory reading of the passage, the point seems
clear: Who sinned?. The greek word for sin here is: hamartano and
has three definitions in the Strong's Concordance:
- To miss the mark (and so not share in the prize)
- (figuratively) to err
- (especially morally) to sin
For
some reason when the Disciples saw this man who was blind the first
question that came to their mind was: Where did he come up short?
What error did he or his parents make that put him in this
predicament. The disciple's minds have been revealed at the
beginning of this chapter, but what about Jesus mind on the matter?
In order to discover that we will have to read on, but it is an
interesting thought that the first thing that is said by the
disciples when they see someone suffering is: who sinned? So right
now, we can move on in our reading of the story, but if we do, there
is a chance that we will miss something very profound here.
Something so profound it blows the lid off of question number one on
disappointment. What is it that is so profound? Glad you asked. In
verse 3, Jesus gives a response to his disciples about the man on the
wayside's condition. He answers them: “Neither hath this man
sinned, nor his parents:....” Hold on a second, hit the pause
button right there! No one sinned? Surely there must have been a
sin in their life, that could have created such a horrible condition
in this man. Bad things don't happen to people who don't sin do
they?
The
response of Jesus starts to go head to head with our reasoning to the
first question that we asked in the beginning: What did I do to
deserve this? There is a chance that the answer is a startling:
“nothing” to this question. Should this be the case, we would be
miss of we forgot to mention the next words of Jesus in this story.
In fact, if we were to leave them out it would be a crime, because
just because there was nothing that anyone did to deserve what
happened to them, does not mean that it was for nothing.
There
was a purpose in what happened and it can be found in the rest of
what Jesus said: “but that the works of God should be made manifest
in him.” So this answer, means that the works of God should be
manifest in him.” What does that mean. Well, the Greek word for
manifest is: phaneroo, and is a verb that means: to render apparent.
So our answer to this question is so that the works of God can be
rendered apparent in the man.
That
means that nothing was wrong, but God wanted to reveal His works in
the man. Let's look at that last phrase again: “but that the works
of God should be made manifest in him”. Did you notice the last
two words of Jesus statement about the man? “In him”. Now
normally it would make sense to say that they were made to glorify
God, but the word in Greek for in is actually: en and has three
different definitions:
- in
- at
- upon
- by
So
God would be glorified by the man, but how would this happen. To
discover this, check out the rest of John Chapter 9. The main point
of this passage is though that God's works would be manifest in him.
Does this shed some light on the first question? The next time that
you or I find ourselves asking ourselves a question about a
disappointment, and find ourselves saying “where did I go wrong”
and we search and cannot find an area, then it is best to rely upon
Jesus Words: “Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor
his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in
him.” What are the implications here?
No
longer do we have to be constant victims of “What did I do to
deserve this”ism We are now able by God's grace to look at this,
and see that God has a purpose in our disappointment. The next
question that may come is: What if I don't know what that purpose
is? This brings us to our next point and why we stopped at verse 3
instead of going on. At this point that information is hidden. We
could read on to get to the partial result of this in the rest of the
chapter, but then we might miss the beauty of faith!
Here
in a situation where we don't know what is to happen next, it's best
to put ourselves in God's hands. Did He work for the best in the
blind man's behalf? Should the answer be yes we are now able to ask
the same question about Him working in our own lives.
Often times we believe that the disappointment is going to affect the
rest of our lives in a negative way. We have a negative misbelief
that gnaws at our mind and causes us much pain. Who hasn't spent
years and years going over the “what could have beens”.
The
road has come to a fork, and God has taken us in a different
direction than we thought we would have wanted to go. The direction
to the left looked so much better. There were trees, and squirrels
and birds, and a gentle flowing creek, with a nice walking path, but
this one is much more bumpy and rugged. “Was that a mistake? Why
would the Guide take us this direction?” We sometimes begin to
wonder? The other way looked so much better. This bring us to our
question of: Who's really writing our story? My Bible tells me in
Proverbs 3: 5,6, that if I trust in the Lord with all my heart, and
lean not unto mine own understanding,but in all my ways acknowledge
Him, He will direct my paths! This is great news! This means that
Jesus is still directing our path even when we don't understand why a
disappointment happened to us.
So
with the first question being obliterated by the Word of God, let's
turn our minds to the second one. What happens when a disappointment
has happened and it is our fault. I can remember being younger and
wanting to go with my parents to Tennessee, but not being able to go
because I got put in isolation. Not only was I disappointed, but it
was my own fault. This was almost more than I could swallow, but God
had a purpose in it for me. Just like the first question, I came to
the proverbial fork in the road, I saw the flowers and beautiful
things that I had missed, and realized that it was my own fault I had
missed them, but there was grace for me!
Little
did I realize that the second path would not be all that bad either.
Instead of going to Tennessee I got to go to the Indy 500 with my
grandpa. God was able to work something good out of something bad.
So, when things don't turn out the way that you or I want to, because
of our choices or because of God saw a better way, we can rejoice in
that!
Did
this happen in the Bible? Instead of listing out a story, I want you
to take a look at the hall of faith, and see if you can find some
people who made mistakes, but that God turned them around for His
good! There is one obvious one. Sampson. Check out this story to
see how God turned a mistake, into a victory through Sampson's
choice to turn back to God.
With
both of these questions now answered we can now come to the obvious
conclusion that a “mess up” or re-direction by God is not the end
of the world but only the beginning of a side of life you or I have
never seen! Afterall, what makes it the best, is it not the presence of our Heavenly Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit?
In
closing I want you to think about this verse with me:
“Now
unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we
ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be
glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world
without end. Amen.” (Ephesians 3:20-21).
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